Loose Lips  

Posted by: Laura Delgado in , ,

I have neglected my personal blogs since taking a job here http://www.meltingpotproject.com. There is only so much time in the day. M and M-C are four years old today, which is not bittersweet for me - it's really just bitter. I miss them being babies. I miss all of them being babies. I miss babies in general. I feel as if I know how to parent babies competently.

I can certainly present my older children with plenty of lessons in virtue drawn from my own life. I am struggling with something now that I did probably five or more years ago, but whose repercussions will not stop...repercussing. I said something, completely in innocence and without malice (actually Principal tells me that I never even said this thing - I am just so used to people attributing it to me that I have assumed that I said something like it. He was there - he should know). In any case, like the childrens' game of telephone, this thing was repeated and made ugly and vile and "got back" to the person about whom I supposedly said this thing. As a result, I am essentially persona non grata on one side of my family. At worst, I repeated an item of gossip in what I thought was a private conversation. At best, I didn't say anything at all, and something someone else said was repeated and attributed to me. I have suffered such angst over this whole thing that I am no longer even sure about anything. All I know is that I did not say what is attributed to me. I also know that for all of these years, not one person has questioned whether or not I could even be capable of such ugliness. Everyone has just assumed that it is true. That is what hurts the most.

My point is simply this: I should have guarded my tongue in the original conversation so many years ago. Words always have the potential to hurt. Just because you think you are having a private conversation doesn't mean that you are, and it really doesn't matter, because you should never say anything unkind regardless. In my own defense, in this particular conversation, I said nothing unkind, but I certainly have in other conversations. God gave me a clever wit and a sharp tongue, and I don't always use them for the powers of good. I ought to, because the consequences can be long-lasting. God's gifts should be used to honor Him, and *that* is the lesson that I try to instill in my children.

A study of virtue can really aid in this endeavor. Saints can be marvelous examples. St. Lawrence had a quick wit, if legend is to be believed. As my patron saint, I often ask him to guard my tongue. He really needs to step up his efforts! ;) I will do my children such a favor if I can keep them from being like me. With this post, I am officially putting this ugly incident to bed. I am an N family pariah, and that's how it is. I can't waste any more time mourning the situation. It is what it is, and I can't fix it.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 and is filed under , , . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


Isn't it too bad that cliches like, "letting bygones be bygones" and giving people "the benefit of the doubt" never seem applicable to family? It really is true that all too often, we do not extend the same charity to our family as we do to the cashier at Starbucks (lately, I can't afford Starbucks but it's a nice thought).

I think I will actually be nice to my husband when he gets home!

While I don't know what specific incident you are referring to, I wouldn't be surprised if it involved the women of the family. I don't think of you as anything like the family pariah. I'm sorry you do. :(

I've had the same issue before. My husband goes on about certain family members (on my side) that border on gossip, so the idea of sharing 'information' was drilled into me. Unfortunately, his side has members who will take something, twist it and use it for their advantage. I learned the hard way, but have finally come to peace with what happened. I'm also thankful that I avail myself of the Sacrament of Reconciliation on a regular basis. Without it, I might not have any peace on this matter.

As a side note, I'm tagging you for a Meme. Visit my blog to see the post. Hope you'll participate!

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