I have neglected my personal blogs since taking a job here http://www.meltingpotproject.com. There is only so much time in the day. M and M-C are four years old today, which is not bittersweet for me - it's really just bitter. I miss them being babies. I miss all of them being babies. I miss babies in general. I feel as if I know how to parent babies competently.

I can certainly present my older children with plenty of lessons in virtue drawn from my own life. I am struggling with something now that I did probably five or more years ago, but whose repercussions will not stop...repercussing. I said something, completely in innocence and without malice (actually Principal tells me that I never even said this thing - I am just so used to people attributing it to me that I have assumed that I said something like it. He was there - he should know). In any case, like the childrens' game of telephone, this thing was repeated and made ugly and vile and "got back" to the person about whom I supposedly said this thing. As a result, I am essentially persona non grata on one side of my family. At worst, I repeated an item of gossip in what I thought was a private conversation. At best, I didn't say anything at all, and something someone else said was repeated and attributed to me. I have suffered such angst over this whole thing that I am no longer even sure about anything. All I know is that I did not say what is attributed to me. I also know that for all of these years, not one person has questioned whether or not I could even be capable of such ugliness. Everyone has just assumed that it is true. That is what hurts the most.

My point is simply this: I should have guarded my tongue in the original conversation so many years ago. Words always have the potential to hurt. Just because you think you are having a private conversation doesn't mean that you are, and it really doesn't matter, because you should never say anything unkind regardless. In my own defense, in this particular conversation, I said nothing unkind, but I certainly have in other conversations. God gave me a clever wit and a sharp tongue, and I don't always use them for the powers of good. I ought to, because the consequences can be long-lasting. God's gifts should be used to honor Him, and *that* is the lesson that I try to instill in my children.

A study of virtue can really aid in this endeavor. Saints can be marvelous examples. St. Lawrence had a quick wit, if legend is to be believed. As my patron saint, I often ask him to guard my tongue. He really needs to step up his efforts! ;) I will do my children such a favor if I can keep them from being like me. With this post, I am officially putting this ugly incident to bed. I am an N family pariah, and that's how it is. I can't waste any more time mourning the situation. It is what it is, and I can't fix it.