This week I truly feel like I am falling behind my life. Yes - my life is finally getting ahead of me. We made the mistake of starting to clean out the playroom. Now my wonderful friend P is coming to stay the night before we go to an icon writing presentation and Divine Liturgy at my other wonderful friend Pe's Byzantine church, and all of the playroom cleaning has to get "swept" back into the playroom. I hate starting something I can't finish. I hate doing something halfway, or really doing anything that I can't do perfectly. Of course, since my initials aren't JC, I tend to live a very frustrated life. Anyway, I have what I loathe: a busy week. I'm taking T to the library today for a knitting club with her friend S. Tomorrow is AMC movie club for $1 movie. Thursday is Byzantine day. Friday is T-ball party day with the boys. Somewhere in there I have to find the time to finish my work for http://www.edhelper.com (work I really enjoy - I just have to find the time!). I was also fortunate enough to be asked to write another review for The Old Schoolhouse Magazine - an ebook on ebooks! It's right up my alley (look for the review here), but I need time! Time! Time! Tempus fugit...

My current project is the composition of my own history curriculum. I love Tapestry of Grace, but I have felt quite strongly that Catholic children deserve a Catholic curriculum, especially given that the history of the Western world *was* a Catholic history, prior to the Protestant Revolution (okay, okay, you might know it better as the Reformation). It would be nice if it was presented in an unbiased light (and maybe, someday, someone can do that ;-) ). Seriously, though, there are so many amazing Catholic resources out there that are just not tapped in Protestant curricula. Also, there is a tendency to gloss over, for example, Egypt because "it was pagan, and, therefore, did not have much to contribute to Christianity". That's pretty close to a direct quote from one popular homeschooling curriculum. Egypt may not have contributed much to Christianity, but we're still studying it because of its amazing early insights into farming, medicine, engineering, and other fields. Plus, kids love learning about Egypt. What better way to engage them in history early on in their education? Mummies, pyramids, the Nile, rituals, gods, myths, etc...We're going to start reading G.A. Henty's The Cat of Bubastes as a read-aloud this week, as a matter of fact...

The spine, if you will, of our history program will be Warren Carroll's five volume A History of Christendom (the fifth volume of which is not yet written). It is the only comprehensive Catholic history of civilization of which I am aware. T has studied Old Testament history until she is blue in the face. Both she and I are so ready to stop wandering in the wilderness that we consider ourselves honorary Jews, but the younger kids haven't studied it at all. Hence, although I run the risk of them not understanding the parallel track of history, we will not study OT history right now. With T, though, I will continue Religion, using Fr. Laux primarily, although now supplementing with Peter Kreeft as we start talking about the compilation of the canon. When I start actually to write the history curriculum, I will write in a big section on the compilation of the canon. It's something about which I suspect a lot of Catholic parents don't know much themselves, but which I have studied and enjoy. It is almost mini-apologetics to know why the books in the Bible are there, while others are not. It's also great Church history.

My mind is running so fast that my fingers can't keep up. It's funny. There are two kinds of homeschooling parents (okay, there are many more than two, but there are definitely at least these two): my type is looking every day at curriculum, wondering what is out there, and how I can fit more into our day, or how I can adapt it to what we do.

To be honest, what I am usually thinking is "how can I write something better than this that is ideally suited to Catholic classical homeschoolers?" The other type wants her curriculum simple and uncomplicated. If it works for her, she's happy. She likes her lesson plans to tell her what she needs to accomplish each day, and she likes to know that in May she is done for the summer, and that in September her children will begin a new grade. In no way do I mean to suggest that Mom B is inferior to Mom A. In fact, I sometimes envy her. The fact is, though, that I am the polar opposite of she, and I wonder sometimes if my kids suffer. I can point to their Math and Language/Reading curricula and tell you that 5 year old N (6 in a couple of weeks) will solidly be a 2nd grader by September, and that 7 year old T (8 in a few weeks) will unquestionably be a 5th grader by September, but their Science is somewhat sporadic and informal (they both know a ton of Science, though). Their art instruction has yet to begin (although I can tell you about every single great and not-so-great art curriculum out there, and I own three of them!). They are both way above level readers and are great spellers thanks to a very solid phonics foundation, and they both seek out non-fiction above fiction at least 50% of the time. I have been (usually obliquely) questioned for allowing/encouraging them to get ahead of their grade level, but why on earth not? There is no shortage of knowledge out there, and I plan to homeschool them through high school. You get to a point when you can afford to spend a whole semester studying Shakespeare in high school if that is what you choose to do, right? I digress and I ramble. I cease.

Since I posted a review, I guess I should post an actual school update. The official (read: public) school year is coming to a close this week, and here is where we stand:

• T is finishing up Saxon Math 5/4 and will start Saxon Math 6/5 immediately thereafter. We will skip the first 20 or 30 lessons which constitute an insulting review. She's doing quite well in math, so I'm not worried about doing so at all. She is halfway through FLL 4, and I'm probably going to buy Rod and Staff grade 5 for her tomorrow at The Homeschool Store. I wish so much that FLL had a level 5, but no luck. Maybe by the time N is ready. T is doing Latina Christiana now, but that will probably cease when she starts Grammar I through the CLAA (http://www.classicalliberalarts.com), as she will begin learning Latin and Greek almost simultaneously, and I expect that her progress in Latin will begin to pick up. That covers core subjects (aside from History, about which I am kind of ambivalent right now). Her favorite subject is Religion, for which we are using Fr. Laux's 1930s high school course (whose name escapes me at the moment). It's Baltimore based, it's thorough, and it's wonderful!
• N is in the middle of Saxon Math 2, and is finding it so easy that I am resisting the urge to skip him to 3. I don't know why I'm resisting the urge when I skipped T...but I am. He is also about 1/3 of the way through FLL 2, and he doesn't really love it. He does just fine, though, and it's funny to hear the twins chant the "be" verbs and the helping verbs along with him. I'm thinking about how to start him on Latin, but given that he is so close in age to the twins, I really may hold him off until they are ready so that I can lessen my work load. We'll see. He'll join us for History in the Fall when we dive in full force again. He does, of course, do copywork (camping phrases right now), and his handwriting is surprisingly good! He is doing Explode the Code 3, but it is so easy that it's kind of silly. ETC 4 should provide a little more challenge.
• M-C and M are doing Saxon Math K and http://www.clicknkids.com. It's a really neat and fun approach to Phonics, and so far we like it. At four, they are too young for much else.

All of the kids are about to begin Mark Kistler's http://www.draw3d.com, about which I'm really excited. Commander Mark taught my brother how to draw even better than he already did! I think they'll really enjoy it, and it will make a nice change this summer (as we continue to do school full time). We're doing a couple of unit studies for Science as I decide which Apologia book to do next, so that, too, will be a little change for them.

On a private note, T made her First Holy Communion a couple of weeks ago, and I was so proud of her. She was the only child who looked like she had a clue. She made a beautifully reverent genuflection, and then received on the tongue. It was textbook. I have to say, she is my daughter. It seems that I still struggle with pridefulness.

I am coming out of hibernation for a worthy cause: to review the 2009 Schoolhouse Planner from The Old Schoolhouse Magazine. This year's planner is even bigger than last year's version, while still retaining all of the features that made last year's such a valuable and eye-popping resource. Checking in at 374 pages, it is almost a misnomer to refer to this all-inclusive resource as a planner. It is, in fact, a collection of educational resources, combined with planning forms which can easily replace your current day planner. It is further a cookbook, a reference guide, and a compendium of all of the homeschool forms that you are likely to need, whether you homeschool pre-schoolers or high-schoolers, and whether your style is unit study or unschooling. Best of all, the planner is delivered as a writable .pdf download, meaning that you can begin exploring it and filling in dates on the calendar immediately.

With almost 400 pages, and not a single one wasted, it is literally impossible to discuss each and every feature of this amazing resource, so in an effort to convey the reasons for my excitement, I will instead elaborate upon my favorite features.

First, the Schoolhouse Planner replaces all of your existing planners, both personal and homeschooling. It perfectly merges both of your roles as homeschooling mom (or dad!) and head (or co-head) of household. The search for the perfect system of recordkeeping is over! At first, the sheer number of forms may seem overwhelming, but it need not be! Simply peruse the planner, and make note of the pages that you want to print (if you're the kind of person that needs to see it all in pen and paper, like I am). Print only the forms that you need, and rest assured that the others are there for you if you change your mind. Personal financial inventory? Check. Grocery lists and menu planners? Check. Garden planning? It's there, too. The homeschooling section includes all of the forms that you would expect, from full planners (including twelve year plans!), to library reminders, to an extracurricular activities log. There is even a section for handwriting practice for the little ones! Once you print and organize the forms according to your specific needs, you truly can fit your life into one binder!

Second, for each month of the year, The Schoolhouse Planner focuses on a single topic and covers that topic in depth. Articles by many familiar authors lead off the month, followed both by actual resources included in the planner, and by lists of additional resources available through The Old Schoolhouse Store (as a nice touch, these items are hyperlinked, making purchase temptingly easy!). The month concludes with recipes that are both appealing and practical.

Finally, the section entitled "Miscellaneous Educational Information" is a goldmine of possibilities. Everything from lists of famous composers and artists and their associated works, to lists of inventions, to states and countries and their captials, to various conversion tables is included in this section. While it is true that all of this information is available elsewhere, it is wonderful to have it consolidated in one place: in my planner! I see mini-lessons galore as we wait in doctors' offices, during "adult swim" at the pool, and on those days when school is just not happening the way I want it to. There is more than a year's worth of educational joy just waiting to be explored in these pages!

I generally dislike reviews that don't suggest ways in which the resources could be improved, but I would be disingenuous if I tried merely to "come up"with some suggestions. My only hesitation is that some users might be chagrined by the sheer size/length of The Schoolhouse Planner. 374 pages is a lot of material. To any such user, I would simply urge patience. Spend some time looking through it, and getting to know the forms. Make use of the excellent table of contents, which is linked to the document itself (meaning that if you click on a form in the table of contents, you will be taken there in the document - a HUGE timesaver!). There *is* something in this planner for everyone!

Oh, Lent. A good one can make for a joyful and meaningful Easter, and a poor one can make for a PITA Easter, whose main issue is at whose parents' house to convene. I must confess that I absolutely dread Lent this year, primarily because I have determined that this Lent I must be joyful. I must be happy. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, realizes how almost laughable this goal is, and how it will be more difficult for me than giving up chocolate any day of the week. I don't do joyful. I do dark, brooding, sarcastic, put-upon, and melancholic. It is who I am (no, really, it is! I took a personality test!). Unfortunately, it's not getting me anywhere. My children snap at each other, my husband doesn't think I'm sweet (he called me that once when I was 18; 15 years later, I still remember it with fond amazement), and I have a friend who is so genuinely happy that it radiates from her like sunbeams. I wonder what it would be like to...well, to be like that. Part of me likes my "shtick". It's genuine, but it's also kind of farcical. I haven't quite concluded why people think I'm so funny. Am I the perpetual fat girl making people laugh (regardless of what my weight may be any given year), or is that dark sarcasm that just boils over into every day life? Regardless, on the inside I am grateful, and I am going to use Lent to scrape away some outer layers to let that gratitude shine through. It may very well kill me.

On another note, the ever-odd T has decided to read Shakespeare. Yes, she's 7. There are many, many heavy and dark books lining my bookshelves. She asked if any of them contained the great Bard. I pointed to that one (the Tragedies), and that one (the Comedies), and that other one (misc. works). She pulled out the Tragedies (she is *so* my child) and pulled up some couch. I'm sure she'll get back to me when she's ready. The very next day, I rebuked her for something at lunch. She turned away from me and rolled her eyes Heavenward. I came somewhat unglued, and rebuked her even more sharply for her show of disrespect. She turned to me incredulously. "But, Mommy," she implored, "I was praying to Jesus to help me not to talk back to you!". What will I ever do with this child?? I studied her face for signs of dissembling, but just couldn't tell. I hmmphed, and suggested that in the future, her prayers should probably not included eye rolling when I was already peeved with her, as it might serve only to inflame the situation.

I apply for freelance jobs almost every day, but get no responses. I wonder if it is more indicative of a) the glut in the freelance market b) the economy c) the fact that God wants me to focus on caring for my family. I once told my friend that God would not drop Vin Diesel through the Church roof as a sign to her that she should begin dating (long story), but it would be nice if such overt signs were part of his oeuvre. I think I'll speak to Him about that.

1. I am a very traditional Roman Catholic, and my Faith is more important to me than anything. I will take my Eucharist on the tongue, my Mass in Latin, and my Priest facing the altar (if only).

2. I am an Anne without a Diana. While I have had best friends, I have never been anyone's best friend, and this loss perturbs me far more than it should. I have just about given up hope.

3. I am extremely shy in large groups, but can be almost gregarious one on one. This verbosity is largely faked to cover up my discomfort until I know you well.

4. I prefer being home to being anywhere else. Similarly, I prefer the company of my family (read: husband and children) to anyone else's company, save my very own. If I never had to leave my house, I would be quite pleased. I am four children and one husband away from being a crazy cat lady (oh, I would need some cats, too).

5. I gave birth to four children in 40 months, but I cheated and had twins. All births were medicated, and I don't feel like Superwoman. You labor for 23 hours unmedicated, and then we'll talk.

6. I love the English language. I love grammar. I love words. I love writing. I freelance. I make essentially no money, although I fantasize about writing a bestselling novel. Unfortunately, I lack creativity, ideas, time, and inclination.

7. Someone I loved died when he was 23. I dream about him at least once a month.

8. I am the very definition of the Melancholic personality type. Further, I also personify the Introvert.

9. I am gobsmacked by how gratified I am by the friendships that I have encountered on FB. I have created/ renewed friendships with people I never really knew very well, and am able to keep up with people I otherwise wouldn't. I, who scorn social networking...go figure.

10. I am passionate about Classical Homeschooling. My children are all grammar stage learners, and I read to them from the "Good Books" daily. We are currently reading "Alice in Wonderland". My seven-year old probably knows more about Old Testament History than you do.

11. I am working on humility. It's a lifelong struggle.

12. Latin est in villa.

13. I have an 80 gb iPod, which is 100% full. It has no songs on it. It is full of old-time radio shows and audiobooks, both of which I am addicted to (never end a sentence with a preposition, unless *not* doing so makes the sentence unreadably awkward). I have over 75,000 old-time radio shows, and have been collecting them since I was 11. Thank God for MP3s.

14. I am an auto-didact. I have most recently taught my daughter and myself to knit and crochet via YouTube. I am now knitting an afghan, my first knitting project, since everything in my world is "the bigger the better".

15. Related to #14, I crave longer books. I read very quickly and voraciously; hence, a longer book is a huge bonus.

16. A semi-colon, properly used, is a thing of beauty.

17. Unlike my sister, I re-read books frequently. A wonderful book is like a true friend, and deserves to be revisited often.

18. Almost nothing is more important to me than fostering the relationship between my children. The sibling relationship is the one that will endure the longest for most people; thus, it is one of the most crucial. I want my children to understand that friends are never more important than siblings, and that family sticks together, no matter what.

19. I detest the discipline in which I hold my Ph.D. From the very first day of graduate school, the 7 1/2 years that I spent earning my Doctorate were sheer hell. I loathe statistics, I resent quantitative methods, and I don't like Political Science. However, I love American Government, I am prouder than anything that I am Dr. Laura D, and I have a degree that less than 1% of the population has.

20. As seen from #19, I am tenacious. My husband likens me to a bulldog with a steak. That tenacity definitely cuts both ways.

21. I would like to be a far better mother.

22. My favorite group is Gene Loves Jezebel, followed closely by Marillion.

23. My hair was just about red before I had children. Now it is largely brown.

24. I have an undiagnosed facial flushing condition. If I flush when I am talking to you, I am not embarrassed, but the redder my face gets, the more embarrassed I will become. What a vicious circle.

25. I have had migraine headaches since I was 6 or 7. I have been offering up the pain for the poor souls in Purgatory since that time. I sometimes wonder if anyone has made it out because of my headaches.

25.1 I met my husband when I was 18. He was 24. He was helping a friend to deejay my freshman orientation dance at UST. He was my college sweetheart, but I was not his (he graduated UST before I started). We got married the day after I turned 21; I was a junior in college. Because of his support, it was a no-brainer that I finished college and grad school, and am now a SAHM. Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done, but definitely the most worthwhile. After all, we're going to get each other to Heaven!

Why is it so hard to find time to write? I write in my head all day long! Or maybe that's just my talking to myself...

School wise, T has finished First Language Lessons 3 and had moved on to Level 4. They literally published it just in time! Unfortunately, she is CHARGING through it, and I don't know how quickly they are working on Level 5. We may have to move to Rod and Staff after this level, and I'm not sure if I will be able to place her correctly. She will be at least Junior High level. She's 7. Sigh. When a kid loves to diagram and loves to read, what are you going to do? On a similar note, Writing with Ease has turned out to be the perfect complement to our Language program. N's narrations have improved, and all of my kids have become intensely interested in The Good Books. We are reading Alice in Wonderland now, and they can't wait to finish so that we can move on to Doctor Dolittle, Pinocchio, and others. God Bless Wise and Buffington for making it so easy.

N is 28 lessons away from Math 2. Again, I see no reason to artificially slow him down simply because he is 5. He is doing well, and demonstrating mastery of the material. He makes high As on all of his tests. Hence, we move forward. When he needs to slow down, we will. This summer, I fully anticipate spending more time on Tapestry of Grace, and somewhat less on the core subjects. That way, we can really immerse ourselves in History and Geography, giving those subjects the consecutive hours that they deserve. As always, we'll play it by ear.

A Holy Family Mom is starting a Little Flowers Girls' Club in the Fall, about which I am so excited! I have always opposed Girl Scouts, and I refuse to support them by putting my daughters in Brownies, much less in a higher level. However, I would love for them to have a girls' group to which to belong. Now they will. A Catholic Girl Scout troop is still a Girl Scout troop. I don't understand why other Catholic moms don't understand that point! Little Flowers is Catholic through and through - and, of course, it is named in honor of my beloved St. Therese!

My twinners are just being twinners. M loves school much more than M-C. That's okay. More and more, I truly think that she will make her way on the stage. She loves dance, she loves to sing, and she is an actress through and through. I am going to look into drama for the girls, at least, this summer. I know there's a program near here...now to find it.

As for me, I seem to suffer from a terminal lack of ambition. Apart from teaching myself how to knit and crochet (can you say hard-core addict), I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything. I know that I must have a gift of some kind that God wants me to share, but I can't find it. I try not to let that get me down. The ol' "but you have a PhD" with which I console myself is wearing kinda thin these days. I have lost the desire to post at the Melting Pot, and only do so when I fear getting fired. Something about the thought of getting fired AGAIN is rather spirit-breaking (disclaimer: Principal says that none of the other times that I have been fired have been my fault; in fact, edHelper says that I am very good at what I do, and it would welcome submissions from me. Unfortunately, there's that lack of motivation issue).

In any case, we're chugging along in school. We are supplementing All About Spelling, which I still absolutely love, and believe is crucial as a first step in spelling, with Spelling Power, mainly because I like the alphabetizing and proofreading skills. It also gives T one more independent thing to work on while I work with N. Wow - I've totally fallen into "homeschooling busywork" trap. It's not busywork, though. Not really.

I'm feeling so incredibly unmotivated that I think I'll go knit my afghan. At least I have something to show for myself when I do that. Seriously, could I be any more negative? Only the knowledge that no one reads this allows me to be so real!

I have neglected my personal blogs since taking a job here http://www.meltingpotproject.com. There is only so much time in the day. M and M-C are four years old today, which is not bittersweet for me - it's really just bitter. I miss them being babies. I miss all of them being babies. I miss babies in general. I feel as if I know how to parent babies competently.

I can certainly present my older children with plenty of lessons in virtue drawn from my own life. I am struggling with something now that I did probably five or more years ago, but whose repercussions will not stop...repercussing. I said something, completely in innocence and without malice (actually Principal tells me that I never even said this thing - I am just so used to people attributing it to me that I have assumed that I said something like it. He was there - he should know). In any case, like the childrens' game of telephone, this thing was repeated and made ugly and vile and "got back" to the person about whom I supposedly said this thing. As a result, I am essentially persona non grata on one side of my family. At worst, I repeated an item of gossip in what I thought was a private conversation. At best, I didn't say anything at all, and something someone else said was repeated and attributed to me. I have suffered such angst over this whole thing that I am no longer even sure about anything. All I know is that I did not say what is attributed to me. I also know that for all of these years, not one person has questioned whether or not I could even be capable of such ugliness. Everyone has just assumed that it is true. That is what hurts the most.

My point is simply this: I should have guarded my tongue in the original conversation so many years ago. Words always have the potential to hurt. Just because you think you are having a private conversation doesn't mean that you are, and it really doesn't matter, because you should never say anything unkind regardless. In my own defense, in this particular conversation, I said nothing unkind, but I certainly have in other conversations. God gave me a clever wit and a sharp tongue, and I don't always use them for the powers of good. I ought to, because the consequences can be long-lasting. God's gifts should be used to honor Him, and *that* is the lesson that I try to instill in my children.

A study of virtue can really aid in this endeavor. Saints can be marvelous examples. St. Lawrence had a quick wit, if legend is to be believed. As my patron saint, I often ask him to guard my tongue. He really needs to step up his efforts! ;) I will do my children such a favor if I can keep them from being like me. With this post, I am officially putting this ugly incident to bed. I am an N family pariah, and that's how it is. I can't waste any more time mourning the situation. It is what it is, and I can't fix it.